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Want To Be Happier… You Need To Talk To Your BFF

In Ask Coach Tony, you can put my Operation Melt coaching to the test by asking me questions about how to achieve your goals. 

Because a question asked by one is often a question had by many, I am regularly sharing these answers via the Operation Melt blog.

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Want To Be Happier… You Need To Talk To Your BFF

Do you have a best friend… a bestie… a BFF?

Have you ever noticed that a chat with your BFF is often the quickest way to turn around a bad day, sad moment or existential crisis? It’s like she (or he) knows exactly what you need to hear and doesn’t hesitate to say it. Right?

It’s almost like one of the secrets to a happier life is spending time with your BFF. How much happier would your days be if they started and ended with words of encouragement from your BFF? It would make everything that happens in between a little easier to manage.

You are probably thinking, “Tony, you’re crazy; I can’t possibly talk to my BFF at the start and end of every day!” It sounds entirely impractical, right? I mean, your BFF has a life, too, and can’t be there for you at every moment. 

With one small hack, you can always start and end your day with encouraging words from your BFF.

You just have to become your own BFF!

Your BFF Cred

If you become your own BFF, your words of encouragement become even more powerful than those said by a non-YOU BFF. This is true because of how your brain works. You’ve got straight-up BFF cred (I can pull that off, right?)!

In Your Words Matter, Especially When Talking To Yourself, I explained why it is important not to say negative, self-deprecating things about yourself because your brain takes it literally:

Your brain is always listening to what you are saying…. Not only is your brain listening to you, but it also believes what you are saying. That thing you said in passing, maybe as a joke, wasn’t perceived that way by your brain. Your brain interprets these self-undermining statements as commands. 

The good news is that your brain also believes you if you say positive things about yourself. If you speak words of encouragement and affirmation, your brain also interprets those as commands. 

If you treat yourself like your BFF and tell yourself words of encouragement daily, your brain will believe you, and you can start feeling some of the best friend magic.

Besties, Sticky Notes, Happiness… Oh My!

Here is a simple exercise to help you BFF yourself. This is the same exercise that helped Kate start silencing her inner critic in Seasons of Transformation… it really works!

Step 1: What Do You Need to Hear

The first step to BFFing yourself is to ask yourself a simple question and do some brainstorming. Hint: This question makes a phenomenal journaling prompt.

On your dark days, when things aren’t going well, and you are encountering obstacles, what are three things you would want your BFF to tell you?

Think about this question and jot down your answers. You don’t have to limit yourself to three things; as I said last week, there are no rules.

Step 2: Make The Statements Stick

Once you have finalized your three-ish BFF statements, write them on sticky/PostIT notes. You can write them all on one or individually; it’s totally your call. 

Write your PostITs in first person (“I am…”) and present tense wherever possible. This helps your brain process them more quickly.

Next, place your completed sticky notes on your bathroom mirror. Why the bathroom mirror? You normally start and end your day with a trip to the bathroom. Placing your PostITs in the location where you begin and end your day will be an effective reminder to start and end your day with a conversation with your BFF. 

Step 3: Have Your Conversations

The final step to BFFing yourself is to have your conversations.

First thing each morning and last thing each night before bed, walk into your bathroom and stand in front of your mirror. Look yourself in your eyes in your mirror and read your PostITs out loud. Yes, I really mean out loud. It may seem strange at first, but hearing it helps make it real to your brain, which maximizes its impact.

Repeat this process each day, and you’ll start feeling your happiness grow. 

But wait, there’s more… you can return to your mirror (or make a mobile copy of your PostITs) whenever you need extra encouragement. You know, like after you hang up from a difficult phone call or a Zoom, or after that meeting that should have been an email. Any time you wish you had your BFF in the room with you is an excellent time to be your own BFF.

You can even add/remove/change PostIT messages over time as needed. Again, there are no rules!

Talking with your BFF is one of the simplest secrets to happiness. There isn’t a rule anywhere that you cannot BE your own BFF. With this easy exercise, you can start BFFing yourself every day and experience the happiness boost that comes with it. If you need a little help figuring out what to include on your PostITs or silencing your repeated negative self-talk, I got you. Let’s have a quick chat about how coaching can help take this BFF exercise to the next level.

I believe in you; let me help YOU believe in you!

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Meet Coach Tony

My name is Coach Tony, and I am a coach, author and project manager on a mission. I am working to build a world where no goal ever dies of loneliness.

I almost allowed one of my biggest life goals to die without ever being attempted for forty years. My goal almost died, not of failure but of loneliness. But, I took a risk and leveraged a simple, logical process that helped me wildly exceed my goal. 

I transformed my life, and you can do the same with the help of Operation Melt. 

Operation Melt provides engaging, practical content and hands-on coaching to inspire, motivate and equip project managers and other left-brained high-achievers to pursue and accomplish their biggest goals. 

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Published inAsk Coach Tony