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Questioning My Motives

This was week 150 of my Operation Melt journey that started with my goal to escape obesity and lose over 100 pounds in under a year. For more than two years I have been sharing my journey to both keep myself accountable and to help you as you work to crush your own goals.

Make sure to tell me what you think via the Contact Me link. While you are at it, please consider purchasing a copy of my book Operation Melt: How I Used Life-Changing Project Management to Lose Over 100 Pounds In Under a Year.

I work really hard…

It is probably no secret to my readers but I work very hard at my fitness.

I don’t think I have ever worked as hard at anything as I have worked to get fit and to stay fit every day. I make, mostly, good food choices and log everything that I consume. I track all of my exercise and many other metrics daily. I read about fitness. I talk about fitness. I post about fitness.

But my hardest work is that I exercise a lot! I walk and run approximately 10 miles per day and sometimes more. I work with a trainer to build muscle and well-rounded fitness. I set and crush goals, I participate in races, I push myself to perform better today than I did yesterday.

Plus I occasionally go above and beyond even for me. This weekend, for example, I decided that I wanted to run a little longer than my normal and ended up running a solo half marathon that I had not prepared to run. I am feeling that on the day after.

I work very hard to not just get and stay fit but to continue to perform better and better. But am I doing it for the right reasons?

This week I questioned why…

This week I finished listening to a book that I thoroughly enjoyed. The book was written and narrated by Peter Sagal from NPR’s Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me – one of my favorite radio shows/podcasts. His book is The Incomplete Book of Running where he discusses his favorite pastime. He talks about the role that running had played through his life and does so in a humorous way.

In his book Sagal shares a quote that has stuck with me all week. The quote is from Jonathan Reynolds in his play called Fighting International Fat.

“If you’ve ever been fat, you will either be fat the rest of your life or you will worry about being fat the rest of your life.”

This quote hit me and really got into my head. It caused me to question my own motives.

Is this the reason I work so hard at my fitness? Am I just worried about being fat again?

I know that there is some truth to this quote and that it might be part of my motivation. I have only been fit for a couple of years and it still isn’t routine for me. Plus I know several people who have lost a lot of weight, got super fit only to gain the weight back and have to go through the process again. One stat says that roughly 80%-90% of people who lose weight will gain it back. So why wouldn’t I worry about it a little bit?

But it is bigger than fear…

I started this journey with a goal of losing weight and getting fit. I wanted to fix my longest and most embarrassing baggage that I was literally carrying with me. And I have done that.

But along the way I also relearned that I like pushing myself to get better. I like being able to do something today that I wasn’t able to do yesterday. I like that feeling of pride when I hobble across a finish line in a hard race where I am never going to be the “winner” but know that I really did win.

So is the reason for all of this hard work actually based on fear? There certainly is some of that as I don’t want to slip backwards and undo all of this progress. Hopefully that fear will actually disappear over time as I continue to live life as a fit person. But I really do think my motivation for all of the hard work is bigger than the fear.

Maybe I will define my motivation with an alternative quote which doesn’t just apply to my fitness: I have accomplished so much. But I can still do better so why would I settle for anything less? It is worth the hard work.

Published inMy Journey Updates

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